


Absolution of Two

by Thewickedhandofdeath



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alcohol, Alex Krycek deserves to be happy, Alex Krycek is the hero, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Comfort Sex, Consent, Cussing, F/M, Falling In Love, I'm Bad At Tagging, Muse is my Muse, Not by Alex Krycek, Not sure where this takes place in the timeline, Original Character Death(s), Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Reader Is A Smart Ass, Reader has a nightmare, Slow Build, The Great Gatsby References, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:02:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewickedhandofdeath/pseuds/Thewickedhandofdeath
Summary: You're sent to kill Scully, but end up trying to kill Alex Krycek who just happens to be your savior.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Reader, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I came across character/reader fic sometime last year in the Supernatural fandom, and I immediately fell in love. A few months back I had decided to check to see if there were any Krycek/reader and was honestly kind of bummed. So, here you go with my attempt at possibly the first-ever written. I hope you enjoy it.  
> Also, if you didn't notice, there is a rape tag in the tags. It is very early on in this, and NOT by Alex!!!

I’ve had it! If Mulder and Scully aren’t going to take that son-of-a-bitch out I will! What they don’t know is that I’ve been the one giving them the leads. Alex Krycek has done nothing but fucked up the plan, and their lives. 

It all started just over a year ago; I was sent to kill Scully per The Cigarette Smoking Man’s request. Something about taking her away from Mulder. I went as far as befriending her. We had a lot of fun and I was starting to realize that she must not have had an outside of her job style life; what a boring life she led and I actually felt bad for her. 

Anyway, fast forward to now. Alex has been doing the usual spying on them for the black lunged bastard. During that time of getting to know not only Scully, but Mulder as well I’ve grown a soft spot for Red. Mulder is a different matter altogether; such a self-conceited, righteous, whoa-is-me guy. Well, I’ve had enough. 

He ends up at some dive bar here near Alexandria. For being the golden boy of the syndicate, or so I assume, he’s not very damned smart when he’s being tailed. There he is, sitting in the darkened corner, peeling the label off of the moist, slick bottle. That damn black leather jacket always gets me. I’ve always found him attractive, but that jacket on top of it makes him even hotter. 

I wonder for a moment if I could just end up having some fun before I did him in. And that’s when an idea springs to life. Oh, I’m going to have a lot of fun.

I walk up to the bar to order a Truth serum. I’ve never been one for mixed drinks, but Scully introduced me to it. Something about the pineapple and hypnotique just, well it was the best thing I’d ever had.

During the next half hour, I order two more while some biker guy decides that he is going to try to flirt his way into my skirt. We shall call him John for the purpose of this because I never hear him even introduce himself properly to me. 

He notices I have my eye on Alex throughout the night; still sitting there all mopy. 

“What’s he got that I don’t?” He asks in that macho sounding voice that tends to cause me to run. 

“Probably a bigger dick.” I laugh. The shocked look on his face is priceless as I get up to use the lady's room. 

As I step closer to Alex, the look on his face grows even more somber. What’s on your mind, Alex? There are times I’ve wanted to dissect his brain just to see what made him tick. 

He never once looks up from the label as I walk in his direction to use the lady's room. Are those eyes green?! Holy shit! I never noticed that. Ugh. 

As I reach the bathroom sink, my hands rest on the cold porcelain. I can’t stop staring at the mixed emotions my face is showing in my reflection in the mirror. Do I really want to go through with this? Remember, it’s for Scully. 

I splash some cold water on my face when I hear the sound of a door locking behind me. Shit shit shit! I can’t see anything! All of a sudden I feel someone’s arms wrap themselves around me, tightly. Fuck!

“Hey, baby! You want to put your ‘He’s got a bigger dick than me’ theory to the test?” I try to get my gun out of my waistband and that’s when I realize that I’ve fucked up and left it in the car. How the fuck could I be so stupid?! 

The bulge in his pants grows larger the more I squirm. I guess my cool exterior has decided to betray me. Fuck me, right? 

I’m starting to actually freak out. This guy is two times my size at least, and I know he has a knife in his jeans pocket because he pulled it out at the bar and was trying to carve something into the wood. How mature of him. 

Maybe if I just mentally think he’s Alex, it won’t be so bad, right? Nope, apparently not. I try and try, but the only face I’m seeing with either my eyes opened or closed are Johns’s. 

His grip around me gets tighter the more I fight, and I’m trying to stop, but my body just isn’t listening to itself. Fuck! I can’t stop screaming and tears are flooding my eyes. 

All of a sudden I hear the sound of the door cracking and wood shards hitting the ground. Just like that, I feel his weight lift off of me. I try to see through the flood covering my eyes and manage to scramble to the corner while John gets the shit knocked out of him. I want to see what the hell was going on and hopefully at least get a hit in, but all I can do is curl up in a ball; my back against the cold, tiled wall. 

The sounds of blood-curdling gurgles and kicks finally end and all I can do is helplessly sit there. I hate being the damsel in distress, but what else can I do?

“Hey! It’s okay. He’s done for.” 

That’s when I’m finally able to look up from my arms and notice who my protector is. Fuck my life; it’s Alex fucking Krycek! Shit! How the fuck can I kill my knight in shining armor now? I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. 

“You still going to try to kill me now that I’ve saved your ass, Y/N?” He asks, kneeling down in front of my crumpled, tear and sweat soaked body. 

“How the fuck did you know?“ Of course he knew the whole time. I can’t figure out what I did that would have given me away.

“Honey, I know everything about you. You don’t think I’m not going to notice when someone looks up my file and then starts following me?” All I can do is give him a sheepish smile. “Hey, how about we get out of this shithole and grab some coffee? I think we need to have a little chat.” He said smiling. 

He takes notice of my flinching in pain when he picks me up from the floor, “You okay?”

“Yeah, at some point he pushed into me and I must have bruised my ribs on the sink.” 

“Okay, well” we step over Fred’s lifeless, bloodied heap to get out of the bathroom, “do you need another drink before we leave?”

“Nah, I think I’m good.”

“Alright.”

Why is everything going bla…


	2. Chapter 2

What the? Where am I? And whose bed am I in? Think, Y/N. I remember being at that shitty ass bar and having a drink. My eyes are shut tight and I can’t remember anything after that. 

Shwoo, at least I’m still dressed. Wait! This isn’t what I wore to the bar! Why am I only in my panties and a t-shirt that smells oddly of a cross between leather and *sniff sniff*, is that Tommy? 

It’s rather calming either way. My head still hurts and I’m wondering if maybe I didn’t get roofied? It doesn’t hurt...oops. I start to roll over onto my side and figure out that I am apparently hurt. My fucking ribs are killing me with each little movement now; it’s making me want to just curl up and go back to sleep. 

So I gingerly rollover, staring out the window at the street lamp lit night. The streets are too quiet to still be in the city, and it’s quiet enough for me to hear a guy lightly snoring in another room which causes my body to become alarmed once again. 

I’m racking my brain. It’s obvious that nothing happened, I’m alone in bed, and I’m not home.   
Judging by the personal, er lack of, personal belongings, not even a framed photo on the dresser, in the room that it is someone’s actual house and not a hotel room. 

Think, Y/N. Was there another…? Then it hits me! Oh, fuck! 

“Um, Alex?” I ask, hoping I’m right. Well, not hoping, but yeah, I’m hoping. 

I hear the floor creaking as someone gets up from what I’m assuming is a couch, and shuffles in my direction. I’m still hiding in the covers, praying that I’m right. 

“Hey, Y/N.” He turns on the lamp and greets me, sitting on the edge of the bed; his calloused hands run along my forehead. “It looks like the shock has worn off finally.” I’m going to assume he was seeing if I was running cold as that’s a sign of it. “So, what do you remember?”

I start to sit up in the bed, but he stops me with his hand on my shoulder. “Well, I remember being at some bar, having a couple of drinks, then the next thing I know you’re beating the shit out of someone, but that’s all.” I shrug and my belly makes a gurgling noise which is rather embarrassing. 

“Let me get you something to eat. I’ll be right back.”  
He walks out to the kitchen where I hear cupboards and the fridge open and shut. “I don’t really have anything except some oatmeal, will that suffice?” He yells from the kitchen. 

“Yes, please.” I’m trying to rack my brain in hopes of remembering exactly what happened, but the sounds of water, pots and utensils banging around is distracting.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Everything becomes silent, excluding his sigh.

“We’ll talk about it in a little bit, okay?” He sounds disappointed.

Think, Y/N. Let’s put two and two together; we have me in the bathroom, some dude that Alex is bringing to the brink of death. He obviously didn’t ra...did he attempt to? Is that why Alex did what he did? I can feel the blood rush out of my head. Holy shit! And did Alex...shit! 

As soon as he walked in the doorway he sees me curled up with my arms holding my legs tightly to my chest. He immediately places the bowl on the nightstand and is looking at me as if I’m supposed to say something when all I want him to do is hold me.

No, Y/N! You’re supposed to kill him, remember? Yes, but how can I when he saved me? Stupid scruples...

He sits down next to me and starts to calmly rub my back. I start to uncontrollably sob and fall into him. “So, he did try, didn’t he?”

He hung his head, “Yes.” His hand starts to rub my arm and he rests his chin on my head. 

I tried for what seems like forever to stop crying. How the fuck could I be so stupid to forget my gun in the car? I never do that!

“I know it doesn’t change anything, but at least I hope he learned his lesson.”

“No, the only way he would have learned is if I had cut his dick off, cooked it, and shoved it down his dry throat hoping that he choked on it.”

“Well, if I didn’t know what dark was, I do now.” He’s trying to joke around, and it actually works as I lightly chuckle. 

We just sit here for a couple of minutes in silence and he’s still holding me. “You need to talk or anything?” He hands me a tissue from the box on the nightstand.

“Nah, I think I’m good now that I’m a blubbering mess.”

His arms wrap around me which is surprisingly the most comforting thing I’ve felt in a really long time. I’m trying to think of anything to take my mind off of the attack. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“I’m not trying to pry, but why were you so sad looking at the bar?”

“You don’t remember me trying to justify to you why you shouldn’t kill me?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“I’d prefer that.”

“Well, I knew what your intentions were. Honestly, I was contemplating just letting you do me in.”

This was kind of a surprise. “Really?”

“What is there out there for me? I’m tired of living with the rats as Mulder so eloquently reminds me every time he sees me.”

“In his defense-”

He waves me off, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already know.” He sighed. “Do you know what it’s like knowing that you can never just settle down like most?”

“No, actually I can’t say I do. I’ve never seen myself as the June Clever type.”

He chuckles, “Could you imagine you in a dress and apron, cooking and cleaning all day?”

“EEEEEk, God no, please...Get that picture out of my head.”

He laughed, “Alright, why don’t you eat your oatmeal, and get some rest.”

He gets up from the bed and I’m rather disappointed; I was really enjoying the cozy factor he carries about himself.

“Actually, I’m not really all that hungry now.” He looks back and must see the disappointment on my face.

“Let me guess, you want me to stay with you?”

“Honestly, yeah. I’m just kind of afraid of being alone right now.” Why the fuck am I so damned vulnerable right now? I mean I know why, but this is all new. I’ve never felt like this before.

“Okay, can you give me a few minutes? I need to go take care of something real quick. And while I’m doing that, you can eat.”

I just nod and he turns around and walks out of the bedroom. My stomach starts arguing with me once again so I grab the still warm bowl. Thank God, because stoned cold oatmeal is absolutely disgusting. 

As I mix it I can smell my mom’s oatmeal reminding me of when I was a little girl with a happy life that I never thought would end. Fucking black lunged asshole. But that’s a different story for a different time.

Holy shit! This tastes just like hers too. How the fuck did he know? She’s the only one I know who put coconut in their oatmeal. With each bite came a memory of Sunday mornings, church services, my baby brother running around annoying everyone, and so much more.

“Hey, Scully...Okay, you need to calm down right now…” I heard a door shut behind him, but what he doesn’t know is that I have pretty damned good hearing. 

“Well, I thought that you’d like to know that I have Y/N here at my place right now...DANA!!! No, I did not kidnap, nor abduct her! If it wasn’t for me, she’d actually probably be laying dead in a dumpster right now...Yeah, some asshole decided to try to rape her at a bar last night...No, it was just coincidental...Anyway, I know that you and her always meet Saturday mornings for...How do you think Scully? Okay, I’ll have her call you when she wakes up.” 

That had to be rough. But it was definitely sweet of him to do...NO! Alex Krycek is your enemy...You’ve been smitten with him since you walked into the bar. 

“Hey, so I just called Scully for you.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Woman, do you know what she would have done if she had in any way found out you were with me in any way shape, or form? Maybe with any luck, it’ll be her putting me out of my misery, rather than your pretty little face.”

“No, I still call first dibs on that.” We both laughed as he sat down next to me. 

He placed his phone in my hands, “You should probably call her so she knows that I’m not lying.” 

I push redial and before the first ring ends, “Y/N?”

“Hey, Scully.”

“Are you okay?” She sounds absolutely freaked out right now.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks to Alex.”

“If that rat touches-“

I immediately stop Mulder, “Mulder, it’s fine.”

“Sorry, Y/N” 

“It’s fine, Scully. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I really am okay. How’s the case?” 

“We’re actually on our way back now. It turned out to be nothing. I’ll fill you in when we get back.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you then.” And then we both hung up and I hand Alex back the phone. 

I finish the last couple of bites and set the bowl on the nightstand. “Hey, how’d you know that I loved coconut in my oatmeal?”

“Remember, there isn’t a thing I don’t know about you. I just so happened to have some coconut for some reason. I have no idea what for, but…” He pulled me closer to him, “Why don’t you just get some sleep, and we can get you back to get your car in the morning.”  
He starts rubbing my head and running his fingers through my hair. Within moments I’m out like a light…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me if I butchered any of the Russian from here on out. I love the language and am trying to learn it. So if you'd like to correct me, by all means, feel free.

“NO!!!! PLEASE STOP!!! Get away from me!!! Alex, help!!!” 

“Y/N, s’okay. I’m right here.”

I jolt up not being able to breathe. I’m suffocating; why can’t I catch my breath? I can hear Alex saying something, but I can’t comprehend it. Is he really asking me to count things in his room? 

“Two?” *Gasp gasp gasp* “6?” *Gasp gasp* “2?” *Gasp* I’m finally able to catch my breath; my lungs are burning with such force right now. Am I having a heart attack? Of course, that would be my luck. 

He embraces me tightly, shooing me. “You were having a nightmare. It’s been going on for over twenty minutes.”

The cold damp rag he is patting on my face feels so good right now. “It was about him.” 

“I know. Are nightmares common for you, or is this something new?” He legitimately sounded concerned for some reason.

“Yeah, it’s pretty normal. I ended up finally caving into my doctor who prescribed some medical jargony type name medication for it. But that was the first one I’ve had in about a year; at least that I know of.”

“What are you taking for it? I might have some.”

”I have no clue.”

I’m not trying to be difficult, but anything to do with medical crap is beyond me, and the names of most prescriptions were just lost to me. “I’ll be fine.”

“You think you’ll be fine until I take you home?”

“Trying to get rid of me are you?” I say lightheartedly. 

I could tell by his hug growing tighter that he honestly didn’t want to. “No, but I have a suspicion that someone will be coming for both of our heads.”

“Then let’s go!”

I have no idea where we are going. After we left his house, we stopped by my place to grab my meds and some clothes. He was standing in the front doorway on high alert just in case someone found us, but judging by my door being broken in, they’d already been there. That’s when he decided it wouldn’t be good for us to stick around. 

We stop at some storage complex just outside of town so we could switch cars. He took the cover off and I know exactly what it is as soon as I see the grill. “Holy shit! That’s a 67’ Impala!”

He smiled. “I figured you’d appreciate her.” He finishes pulling the cover off of her and my hands lightly run across the door panel. “I saw in your file that you used to work on classic cars.”

“Yeah, but that was before this life.” I say somberly. 

After he put the car we drove here into the vacant space, we loaded up and hit the road. That was about 400 miles and plenty of automotive talk behind us. 

“So, Alex, where are we going?”

“I have a cabin in upstate New York that he doesn’t know about. I haven’t been there in about 15 years though since my dad died.”

He doesn’t sound upset though talking about his dad dying like most. “What happened to him?”

“Old age. That’s how I got Natalia, here?” He pats her dash. 

“Oh, she has a name?”

“Yep. He brought her home when I was about 10 and named her after my mom so he’d always have a part of her around.”

“What happened to her?”

“Cancer.” That was much more somber than before. 

“Were you close to her?”

“Very much so. She was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. She was only given 6 months but fought it for another 3 years before succumbing to it. Thankfully it was in her sleep.” He looked up at the road sign for Poughkeepsie, “Do we need to make a stop? It’ll be about another two hours until we get there.”

“Yes, please.” I say after I yawn. I didn’t realize what time it was, or how long we’d been driving until the sun started to set. 

The remainder of the trip is spent mainly in silence due to Alex needing to concentrate on the icy, unplowed roads. You’d think New York would have their shit together knowing how bad winters can get. Plus, older rigs don’t always do well in the snow, but thankfully she has the weight. 

My eyes start to peak through their heavy lids to see where we are. It’s definitely a one-way, dirt road leading into the pitch-black darkness. Just then I see what looks to be more than a cabin in the headlights up ahead. 

“Is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Umm, Alex, that looks more like a mansion; it’s huge!”

His laugh is such a beautiful sound. “Yeah, it is pretty big, but my parents wanted to make it a special place.”

This is probably the biggest house...er cabin...I have ever seen! “How many rooms are there?”

“Six, plus a study, a library, and a garden room.” He says as he parks in front of the house and turns the engine off.

The squeak of the door catches my attention. I step out onto the gravel and realize just how dark it is out here now with only the moon shining down on the wooded, snow-covered land. Off in the distance, I can hear what sounds like coyotes baying; it reminds me of when I was a little girl growing up in Idaho and it brings a smile to my face.

A light turns on in what appears to be another house just a little further down. “Um, Alex?”

He looks at me over the car roof, “Yeah?”

“Is there someone else who lives out here?” 

He looks in the direction I’m pointing. “Oh, yeah. That’s Sergey and his wife’s house.”

My stomach sinks and I become paranoid. “I thought-”

He dropped our bags back in the car and quickly walks over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders, “He’s the caretaker of the property and a very close family friend.” 

Why the hell am I starting to hyperventilate? Am I becoming hysterical? What is wrong with me? 

“Look at me, Y/N!” His grasp tightens on my shoulders. 

“It’s fine. He would give his own life for me; in fact he almost has multiple times.” He notices that my breathing isn’t slowing. “Look at me!” I do as he demands. “How many lights do you see?”

I look around, “One.”

“How many doors did you see on the house when we pulled up?”

My breathing is slowing finally. “Two.”

“How many songs played on the radio on the way here?”

It occurs to me that we didn’t listen to the radio at all on the way here; it was nothing but some light banter and silence. “None.” My breathing is finally back to normal. 

“How do you do that?”

He just shrugs and then gives me a hug. “It’s an old trick that my mom used on me when I was a child. It causes you to forget what was causing the panic attack and think of something else.”

“Well, it works. No one has ever done that for me. I usually just ride them out.”

He walks back to the other side of the car to pick up our bags out of the car and then kicks the door shut. 

“Did you just kick her?” I jokingly ask.

“It was a love tap.” That smirk is killing me. “Now tell me, do you have panic attacks often?” 

I follow him up to the front door. “Not regularly since I was a little girl. At least that I recall. They used to be so bad that I’d almost start to seize.” 

“Aleksandr?!”

“Sergey, izvinite, chto ne svyazalis’ s vami.” He drops the bag on the stoop and walks over to the large, burley older man and they both hug each other after Sergey holsters his pistol. They let each other go and Alex turns towards me, “Sergey, Eto Y/N. Ona ne govorit na russkom, tol’ko na angliyskom.”

“Ah, Y/N, nice to meet you.” He walks up to me and kisses me on the cheek making me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but I know it’s a customary Russian thing to do. 

“Let me get the door for you.” His accent is so deep that I can hardly understand. The jingling of the keys sends me into a flashback of last night. 

“Alex?” And everything goes black as I start to fall.


	4. Chapter 4

I can’t run fast enough. John is chasing me down the darkened, endless hall. I feel like I’ve been running for hours. “Get the fuck away from me! ALEX!!! ALEX!!! HELP!!!” 

“Oh purdy little girl, your pretty boy ain’t saving you this time.” 

How the hell is his fat ass able to keep up? The sound of his keys dangling from his belt loop is all I can hear; it’s almost deafening. 

He finally catches up to me just as soon as I see the white light and the end of the hall. Is this where I finally die? Don’t they always say you see a white light at the end of some tunnel? 

“Ugh! Get off of me!” Yep, this is where I die; with this behemoth of an asshole smothering me to death. 

“Alex!!! Why aren’t you helping me?”

“Y/N, wake up. Malyshka...” 

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!!” Did I just manage to break free and punch the son of a bitch? I can’t see; it’s so dark in here.

“Humph. Y/N, it’s Alex. Wake up!”

The cold, damp towel brings me back to reality. I’m unable to catch my breath as I sit up and he’s not able to use his little trick this time because it is literally darker than dark in this place. 

My knees come up to my chest and I can’t stop hugging them and rocking. “Alex, what happened?”  
He attempts to hug me, but my body deceives me and pushes him away. “No, please. Just leave me alone. I can’t be around you right now.”

He backs up but doesn’t leave. “Y/N, I’ll leave you alone, but I’m not leaving the room. Your panic attacks are some of the worst I have ever seen, understandably.”

My clothes and bed are soaked. “Can I take a shower?”

“Of course. I’ll get you a towel. Did you bring any soap and whatnot?” He walks over to the light switch on the wall to flip it on.

“AHHHH! What the hell is that?” Why is there a deer head on the wall in a bedroom? 

He just laughs, “This was Mark’s room. He got that on his first shoot. I personally thought it was tacky, but he loved it.”

“Who is Mark?” 

“One of my dad’s friends. He used the cabin every hunting season.” He walks back over to me and holds his hand out for me to grab.

I willingly take it, but immediately let go once I feel the floor under my feet. “Thanks.”

“Follow me.” I do as instructed after grabbing my soap from my bag.

We go through what seems to be a maze of rooms; some rustic, some very modern. Thankfully there aren't any more animal heads on the walls. Don’t get me wrong; growing up in Idaho, that was a normal thing. My mom detested it thankfully, so we didn’t. But, there’s just something about dead eyes watching every move you make; judging you for trying to eat. 

At the top of the stairs are pictures of what appears to be a much happier time for Alex; some of him and other children laughing and smiling, some of who may be his parents. 

I stop as I notice the one who I believe is him. He’s maybe about 4 or 5, sleeping on the couch with possibly his mom behind him, smiling at the camera. “Is this you and your mom?”

He walks back towards me and has a solemn smile, “Yes.”

“She’s beautiful.” I can see where he gets his looks from. 

“Yes, she was. Come on; I’ll show you everything later.”

I continue following him down the hall to a bedroom that looks bigger than my kitchen and living room combined. It’s decorated in burgundy, black and gold and it’s absolutely gorgeous. 

“This is your room.” He points over to another door and his cell phone rings and he looks at the caller ID, “The bathroom is right through there.” He tells me before he answers the phone and throws me the towel causing me to almost drop the soap bottle. 

He quickly shuts the door behind him, but I can hear him talking to who I only assume is that black lunged son of a bitch. “No, some asshole got to her before I could. I lost track of them somewhere a few miles down the road. I’m assuming he realized that I was following them…Yes...I’ve been following some leads…No, I know she was still alive when he took her, and someone at a gas station over in Connecticut saw her with him…Yes, I’m heading that way first thing in the morning…Well, you tell me. I’ve never seen this guy before…”, and that was all I heard before the sound of plastic being crushed on the floor echoes through the room. 

I scurry to the bathroom in hopes he doesn’t realize that I was listening in on his conversation. I don’t think he’d be pissed even if he did know I was. 

Now, do I take a bath or a shower? That tub looks mighty comfy, so I start the water, letting it heat up while I undress and find a bottle of bath bubbles and add some. 

Alex lightly raps on the door and I grab a towel to cover myself. “Come in.” I say as I check the temperature and push the stopper down. 

“That was him. I think I’ve been able to hold him off. Do you have your phone?”

“No, I think I left it back at your place. Why?”

“Okay. As soon as I got off the phone with him I broke mine. I don’t think I was on it long enough for him to trace it.”

I didn’t even think of the fact that we could be traced. Now I feel better about leaving it behind. But then I realize that Scully is going to start worrying, “Shit, what about Scully?”

“I called her just shortly after I got you situated after you fainted because I had no idea how to help you. She knows I’m not going to have my phone and has vowed” the blood drains from his face, “to slit me a slow, painful death if anything happens to you because of me.” 

He knows she would too. I’ve often wondered if he’s more afraid of her than he is of the Syndicate. “Well, best keep me alive then.” I say sarcastically. 

“You may want to turn the water off.” He smiles and points at the tub. 

I look back in shock and turn the water off. That didn’t take long at all to almost overfill the tub.

He’s just looking at me and laughing, “Okay, well I’m going to let you take your bath. If you need anything just holler; I’ll be in the next room over.” 

Once the door shut behind him I start to feel empty with loneliness. Judging by how I’ve been since the attack, is it really good for me to be alone? 

“ALEX?!” He opens the door, not looking in which kind of makes me laugh. “Would you mind staying with me? I really don’t want to be left alone right now.”

“Umm…”

“Alex, it’s okay. I’ll make sure the bubbles are covering me the whole time.”

Apparently, this appeases him because he finally peaks around the doorway and then comes in. 

We sit there for what seems like a couple of hours just talking. He tells me all of the great stories about when his family would come here for the summer and how Sergey had a St. Bernard who’d play with him for days. And then the inevitable happened with his mom and they quit coming.

A few days have passed since that night; most of the days are good and Alex has been really good about keeping my mind off of the attack; the nights so much. 

He’s not getting any sleep and I can tell it’s finally wearing on him. I just don’t know what to do. I’m doing great at keeping my mind preoccupied with other things, but it’s after I fall asleep that it ruins everything. Hopefully, tonight will be better, but doubtful. 

Tonight he has made roast venison with something else that he is refusing to tell me exactly what it is; nonetheless, it’s spectacular. 

“Alex, you have really outdone yourself, ” I say laying the fork on the now empty plate. 

He places his wine glass on the table after taking a sip. “Thank you. It’s a recipe from a chef over in London.”

A normal knock on the door interrupts our dinner surprising Alex. If it were Sergey it would be a patterned knock. He whispers for me to go to the panic room. I have yet to have to use this room, but he’s explained how everything works just in case, thankfully. 

“Be careful,” I say as I get up to quietly run down into the basement.

As the door closes in the panic room, the bolts lock behind me and I turn the monitor on. I can feel my blood run cold; it’s him. How did he find us? I start to realize that my lungs are burning because I’ve been holding my breath for so long in anticipation of the worst. 

I see Alex and Spender yelling at each other and then the screen goes black, followed by the lights of the panic room. My body is betraying me once again and I can’t catch my breath; pitch-black rooms and feeling terrified for Alex are not a good combination. 

I can’t see a damned thing and I keep bumping into things in the room. I’m trying to feel around for the emergency light switch, but I can’t even remember where it is right now. That’s when I see a light reflecting from the top of the stairs through the window on the door. Please be Alex; please, please, please. 

All I can do is sit in this corner now and pray to God that it’s him. I’m too low on the ground to see who it is. 

How many steps did you take to get down here? 18. How many times has Alex hugged you today? 5. How many times did Alex smile at any of your mundane jokes today? 

I wasn’t sure if it would work on myself, but my breath is starting to steady. Then the basement door opens all of the way which causes my breaths to quicken once again, especially when I see the flaming cherry of his cigarette as I peer up from the corner. Tears start to flood my eyes because I know exactly what is about to happen and the fact that Alex isn’t with him means something bad happened. He’s feeling around on the wall and flicks on the secondary breaker switch, which makes me fall back into the corner. 

Just then I hear the sound of the bolts click open and the door starts to open. 

“Hello, Y/N. Cigarette?” The raspy, smoker’s voice is absolutely revolting, but I could really use a smoke right now. I haven’t had one in, well since Scully got me to quit. 

I shakily stand up so that I can take one from him. How “kind of him” to light it for me too and then I take the first deep drag. Ugh, I miss this feeling so much.

“I think we need to have a little chat; wouldn’t you agree?” He’s still menacingly standing over me, but I’m not going to show my fear. 

I back up and sit on the bench against the wall. “Yes, sir.” I probably sound like a scolded child. 

“When I hired you, I gave you specific tasks. Not one has been taken care of. Now, why is that?”

“I dunno.” I lie because we both know why. 

“Because of you I just had to kill Alex.” My heart hitched, but I’m not about to show any emotion, at least not to him. What good would it do anyway? 

He takes a long, thoughtful drag, “Are you aware of how highly I thought of him? I had plans for him, and now those plans have changed.” He walks closer to me and hovers menacingly. “Just like my plans for you.” 

We both took another long drag. He then lights up another one with the one he was currently smoking. As he dropped the first one to the cement floor, I was mesmerized by the slower falling embers just floating there.

“If you’re going to kill me, can you please just get it done and over with? I’d rather not die of boredom from getting lectured by you.” The sting across my face from his hand got my loud mouth to shut up real quick. 

“Do you really think this is a game, Y/N?” I just stare at him in silence. “What would you do if I told you that without you, Dana Scully dies?” 

“You’re going to find a way regardless if I’m alive, or not. I mean that was the reason that you hired me, was it not? And you should really think about seeing a shrink for all of this pent up sadistic anger you have for Mulder.”

And there was another slap. Except for this time it was harsh enough that if I hadn’t known better I would have thought the cigarette cherry ran across my cheek. Ol’ Smokey would never waste one, though. 

There’s a quick flash of light from behind Spender and the sound of a gunshot echoing throughout the basement, which surprises me. As I quickly check myself to make sure it wasn’t me who was shot, the old bastard falls to the ground, knocking me off of the bench. Thankfully with all of the bantering and face slapping, I was distracted enough to not see Alex at the top of the stairs because if I had noticed him I would have probably made some stupid movement which would have alerted Spender. 

Alex quickly runs over to me and then grabs my face so he can check me out to make sure I’m okay. His hand causing my now burning cheek to sting in more pain which causes me to hiss. 

“Y/N, besides the obvious, are you okay?” His voice is low and worried. 

I try to gain my composure and balance to get up off of the damp, cold concrete floor. “Yeah, but how did you survive? Spender said he killed you.”

“He’s a shitty shot and I know how to make it look good. Learned a couple of little tricks from Sergey. Thankfully he was more concerned about finding you because it was a good distraction.”

I must have banged up my legs pretty good because it hurts to put weight on my foot. He notices this and wraps an arm around my waist. 

“How the hell did he find us, Alex?”

“I’m not sure. My calculations were off, I guess, about tracing us when I was on the phone with him. I currently have Sergey and his hounds searching the property” 

He continues to help hold me up as I hobble up the stairs. My knee hurts, but I don’t think it’s swollen.   
“What did you tell him?”

“Something about being angry with Mulder and taking it out on everyone.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong. I have never figured out what he has...er had against him.”

Alex stops me at the top step and I turn around. He’s on the step below me and his hands cup the sides of my head, thumbs running across my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Eh, he wouldn’t have popped me the second time if I wasn’t such a smart ass.”

“That’s not what I’m apologizing for. I’m apologizing for everything that has happened since the bar.”

I just smile and bring his palm to my lips and kiss it. It’s not really his fault. I should have known better that he would have been able to catch on with my original plan. 

We manage to make it up to my room and he runs down to get an ice pack for my knee. It’s red and slightly swollen. I probably just twisted it wrong, or something; who knows. 

Off in the distance, I can hear multiple dogs barking and I am on high alert hearing a tussle going on downstairs. Thankfully Alex put a pistol in the nightstand for me the other night. So, I grab that and run as quickly as I can. 

Just as I reach the top of the stairs there is a large, black-clothed man wearing a mask running up the stairs towards me. I don’t take any chances and shoot him dead center in the forehead, causing him to tumble his way back down. If the bullet didn’t do him in, his neck breaking did. 

I’m hiding behind the wall waiting to hear anything else. I don’t hear anything so I call out to Alex. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” He yells running up the stairs. 

“Yeah, are you?” He has some new scratches and bruises on his face. 

We hear a couple of dogs rushing around inside the house, followed by Sergey yelling for us. “Are you both okay?”

“Da! Are you? Did you find anyone else?” Alex asks as we make our way back downstairs. 

“Just him.” Sergey says sounding out of breath as he points his gun at the now dead intruder. 

Alex is refusing to let go of me as I check the masked man’s pulse. 

“Alex, I’ll be fine.” I don’t dare look at him, afraid to see the look of disappointment. He reluctantly let's go. 

I pull the mask off and see the blood now pooling up on the floor from his gunshot wound. His skin is already starting to get cold as I feel for his non-existence pulse. 

“He’s dead.”

“Sergey, do you think you could take care of him and I’ll bring out the asshole from downstairs?”

“Of course, Aleksandr. Mal'chiki, vpered!” His dogs run out the front door and he starts to drag the body behind them.

“Malyshka, I want you to go back upstairs and wash up. I’ll take care of him.” But before I could go, Alex reaches for me, wrapping his arms tightly around me and again kissing the top of my head. 

He is so calming for me. I can feel my breathing finally stabilizing, as well as my heart. “Alex, sposibo.” Yay! I finally remember how to say “Thank you” in Russian. 

He let go of me and ran his thumbs across my cheeks once again. He has a bittersweet smile right now, which then makes me even sadder. 

“I’ll meet you upstairs when I get done.” 

I retreat back upstairs and plop myself on the bed. All I can do for a bit is stare at the ceiling to contemplate everything that has happened in the last few days. I can’t help but wonder, will this be the last of the Syndicate now that he is dead? Will they still try to come after us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely my favorite chapter to write. I freaking loved being able to kill him off!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brown chicken, brown cow starts now

The past few days have been absolutely draining. I’ve been more preoccupied with trying to stay alive, rather than eating and sleeping, and it’s definitely wearing on me finally. And after tonight, I’m even more exhausted. 

I walk into the bathroom, about to take the longest, hottest shower in hopes that it washes everything away. I know it won’t, but it’s worth a try. The worst-case scenario is that it will wash the smoke stench away. Ugh, what I wouldn’t do for another smoke right now.

I wonder if I can catch Alex in time from doing whatever he’s doing to get rid of the Smoking Man’s body to see if he had any left on him. No, Y/N! You’ve done this good so far; keep going. 

I can barely look at my face in the mirror; the slap marks have increased in color, and you can even make out individual fingers. My fingers absently run across them to see how tender they are still and surprisingly not nearly as bad as they were before.

The reflection in the mirror has definitely seen better days. I get tired of dwelling on the incident so I go over to turn on the hot water for the shower. Within moments the steam radiates from above the glass door; the steamier it gets, the smellier I get from the cigarette that I had. God, I feel bad for any non-smoker that ever had to be around me. It’s no wonder that Scully wanted me to quit so badly.

I get in and stand directly under the stream, immediately grabbing the bottle of shampoo. Within moments I can only smell the fragrance of roses and whatever other foofy smells are in this shampoo. Honestly, it’s not bad, I’m just not your typical female; give me the smell of diesel over roses any day and I’ll be completely content. 

Most of the smoke and grime have finally started to wash away. My hands start to scrub my face and all I can focus on are his hands and the look deep in his eyes that I spotted for a moment just after he shot the bastard. Was it a look of empathy, love, what? I’m not good at these kinds of things, but I can tell you that there was something more there than him just caring for me. 

That’s when the sound of a door swinging open scares the shit out of me. The shower door then busts open and he barges in, still fully clothed. His hands tightly cup my face and his lips smash right into mine. I feel that I should be fighting, but damn his soft lips!

Without me even realizing what I was doing, I start tearing his clothes off; he’s not stopping me. With each article of clothing I can hear the watery thump on the floor; shit the door’s still open. “Alex, the door.” We both chuckle and then resume kissing and nipping each other's skin. 

For a moment it seemed that something caught his attention because he stopped and then pushed some distance in-between us, his hands resting on my shoulders. “I’m sorry.”, was all I could get out, thinking he was uncomfortable with me. 

He starts running his hands through my wet hair and I look up at him disappointedly. “Y/N, I…” His eyes can barely look into mine. Shit, it’s my fault and apparently, he could see that I thought that in the look on my face. “I shouldn’t have barged in here like this. I’m sorry; I was just so happy to still have you alive. And I wasn’t intending on anything else happening; that was until you tore my clothes off.”

“I can tell.” I smirked looking down at his large erection between us.

That laugh is going to be the death of me; it’s so innocent for such a guilty man. “Listen, as much as I’d like to finish-”

“Whoa, no you better finish exactly what you started, Alex! You know how long it’s been?”

“Since with another guy, or yourself? For the first one, it’s been at least three weeks, and if I remember correctly, 8 nights for yourself.” He winked at me with an evil grin. 

The look I gave him must have been insulting. 

“What? Remember I told you I’d done a little research on you before the bar that night. You don’t think that doesn’t include spying on you?”

I playfully slapped his chest. 

“I must say that you were pretty hot in that black, lacy number you wore that last time. It’s definitely one image I’m keeping up here”, he points to his head, “for quite some time.”

I can’t help but smile through the blush. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Alex.”

He smirks his evil, little grin. “Nah, I have another idea about how to make you feel special.” 

His mouth trails its way down to my neck; my resistance crumbling, not that I had any to begin with. He’s made his way back up to my ear with those gorgeous lips while pinching my tits. The next thing I know, his other hand is trying to part my legs, of which I gladly obey. 

By this point, I’m completely backed up against the wall and there's little to no space between us. Meanwhile, I can feel his cock pulsing against my leg so I grab it and lightly run my hand up and down. His lips tear themselves away from my ear, “Not right now.”

“Alex…” I whimper.

“No, let me take care of you first, and if you still have the energy later, then we’ll see.” He takes that opportunity to start playing with my clit causing my hand to drop right away, “That’s a good girl.”, he says in my ear. 

Oh, God! He knows I have a masochistic kink, doesn’t he? He bites down on my other tit while rolling my clit in-between his finger and thumb. I can hardly move due to the euphoria because it’s been so long since a guy has touched me *this* way. I need him inside me so much. “Alex…” I whimper as my knees are about to give out.

“You behave and you can have it later.”

He quickly turns me around to face the wall and pushes me over slightly while still kneading my breast. Before I realize it one hand comes around my front and he pauses causing me to whine once again. What the hell is up with me whining, damnit! 

“How long has it been?”

“A girl never kisses and tells.” I say smugly.

“Oh, you want to play that game, huh?” He quickly pushes two fingers in me as deep as he could and then his thumb starts to roll my clit around once again, causing me to scream in ecstasy. 

He starts to pump his fingers and I can feel myself building up. As I start to moan even louder he pulls my hair. OH...MY...GOD! I can feel my hips start to buck against him, “ALEX!!! PL…” 

Everything turns white with little stars floating around. I continued to ride the wave as long as I could and just as I was about to collapse he caught me.

He turns me around, holding me close to him. His cock is still at attention against my belly. “Can I have a turn now?” I ask, pouting. 

“Judging by the water starting to cool down, it could take a while.” We both laughed. “How about you get dried off and I’ll wash up; I don’t mind taking a cold shower.”

I feel kind of bad, but he’s the one who told me to. I step out of the stall into a pool of wet fabric and water all over the floor. Once I dry off I start picking up his clothes and throw them into the tub, a splat noise echoing over the shower. 

“Umm Alex, where is a mop?”

“I’ll get it when I get out. Is it bad?”

“Well, kind of.”

He turns the water off and peaks out. “It’ll be fine, but I kind of need a towel, now.” 

“I think you can handle it. Would be a shame to cover you up now.” 

He laughs, “I don’t think he would like that much though.”

Oh yes, he; that beautiful specimen. “Fine, can’t have him get too cold; that would be a shame.”

I fumble through the cupboard for the towel and throw it at him. 

After he dried off we spend the next few hours in my bed just talking; doing my best to hold my restraint. I wanted to do so much more, and I could tell he wanted to as well, but he tells me that he shouldn’t even have done that to me in the shower not knowing how I’d react after the attempted rape. 

“It’s totally okay. If I couldn’t handle it, you would have known.” That’s what I like about Alex, he genuinely cares about me; although he was going to kill me. I’ll never let him forget that one. 

I’m nustled up against him; his hands caressing me and running through my hair. He softly kisses the top of my head, “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” 

The mention of sleep makes me realize how tired I really am. I yawn just as I notice the sun starting to peek through the curtains and oblige.


	6. Chapter 6

My eyelids start to flutter open. My body becomes sore as I start to remember everything that happened within the last 24 hours. I’m surprised I don’t feel worse. 

Then I realize that this sleep is the first time since the attack that I went without a nightmare. Score one for me. 

For a moment I wonder if I’ve slept through the day, only to realize that Alex is trying to wake me up to tell me that dinner is ready. Honestly, this is my favorite time of the day anyway, so I’m kind of happy. 

My body starts to stretch and I let out another yawn. 

“Good morning...er evening, malen’kiy.” His thumb drags across my cheek and he bends over to kiss me. 

“What does that mean by the way?” My voice is still groggy sounding. 

“Loosely translated, little one.”

“Ohhhh, I like that.” Usually, the nicknames I’m given aren’t so kind. 

I finally start to get up, realizing how sore my entire body really is. Just need to stretch it out, I keep telling myself. 

“Oh my God, Alex! It smells amazing! What is it?” I ask, walking down the stairs.

“Just plain ol’ hamburgers…” 

This was not the smell of your basic, everyday ground beef. If I was a betting girl, it was something that I have only had one other time in my life. “Uh, huh.”

We sat down and he waited for me to take the first bite. “Oh my God! Is this what I think it is?”

“Depends on what that is.” He took a sip of his drink and proceeded to lightly cough.

“It’s Wagyu, isn’t it?”

“I remember you talking about how much you liked it when you went to that baseball game last year. And I hadn’t had it since I was in Japan, so I figured why not. Plus, I felt that you deserved it.” 

He reached over the table to grab my hand. His hands were slightly calloused, and to most women, this would be cringy, but not to me. I loved the feel of rough hands; it meant that he was blue-collar; someone who busted their ass. No way in hell would you ever see me with some white-collar who worked 80 hours a week just pay off his Lamborghini. 

The back porch light scares me as it turns on just outside of the sliding glass door. Alex stands up and pulls his gun out of the back of his waistband as he walks over to investigate. I got a good chuckle when he almost blew the head off of an innocent little raccoon walking across the snow-covered yard. For Alex to be frightened of a raccoon seems absolutely absurd, but I know that he’s on high alert. 

I can’t stop laughing. Is a grown man having a standoff with a defenseless chunky raccoon? They’re both just standing there, staring each other down. 

“Alex, I think we are fine.”, I say as I bring over a couple of fries and open the door. I squat down and hear Alex asking me what the hell I’m doing. “It’s fine; he’s just hungry.” I throw one fry, then another close to me. It’s working. The chunker is letting me get close enough to him, but as soon as I put my hand out for him he backs off slightly. Damnit. Probably a good thing anyway.

As I place the rest of them down for him, I come inside and shut the door behind me. 

“Girl, are you trying to get killed? You know those things have rabies?” His voice filled with what I can only assume is anger. 

I roll my eyes, “Okay, dad.” I sit back down. “By the way, if he had rabies, he would have been angry and foaming at the mouth. Anyways, where were we?” Damn, my burgers cooled down; but it’s still damned good.

The rest of the dinner is mostly silent. I can tell that something is weighing heavily on him, but not sure what. “Alex, you okay?”

He’s spinning the drink in his glass and watching the chestnut-colored waves slosh on the sides. “Yeah, I’m just tired.” 

“Okay, well how about after I clean up we go back to bed?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” 

I pick up our plates and take them over to the sink. He’s refilling his drink and without saying anything, he retreats back upstairs. You know that feeling you get when you think you’ve done something wrong? Well, that’s what I’m going through right now. 

Once I’m done doing the dishes I go upstairs to my room expecting him to be there, but he’s not. I feel like I should see if he’s in his room, but if he’s mad at me, I don’t want to piss him off anymore.

Deciding to just let it go, I go back downstairs to see if I can find another book to read. His mom was an avid reader and had a library full of them. There was something for everyone; it was almost overwhelming. But, as always, I go for my go-to book.

After finding The Great Gatsby and making myself another drink, I return to my room. I’m hoping that his mood was really due to him being tired, and not that he is mad. I know it was stupid of me to do that with a wild raccoon, but really? I’ve done worse. Eh, it’s probably just my anxiety telling me that it’s my fault. I mean wouldn’t he tell me if it was?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's truth is finally revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Alex becomes slightly forceful in the beginning.

I can barely process anything that I have read for the past two hours. I know that I’m at the part where Jay just got pulled over, but that’s it. If I had never read this book, I’d be completely lost. 

Damnit, I guess I’ll go back downstairs to get another drink. Should have just brought the bottle up with me. 

As I get to the top of the stairs I realize that I’m a little tipsier than I thought I was. Just take one step at...What the hell?! 

“Alex?” His grip around my forearm is so tight right now; definitely going to leave a mark. 

“Y/N, we need to talk.” He pulls me to my room.

“Um, okay. Did I do something wrong?”

“Y/N, I need to tell you the truth.” He pulls me down onto the bed to sit next to him.

“Alex, you’re kind of scaring me, right now.” 

He pulls his hand away and drags it through his hair, “I’m sorry.”

I feel that I need to touch him to let him know that it’s okay, but I can also tell that this newfound anger is pent up and alcohol-fueled. It’s probably best that I curl up on to my pillow and let him talk, so that’s exactly what I do.

He lays down next to me, resting his head on his hand. It’s almost as if it takes all of his energy to finally look at me. “Remember that night when you said that I looked sad, sitting in the bar?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there was a reason…” He takes a long pause, “Spender sent me to kill you because that gutless asshole couldn’t do it himself. ”

My jaw dropped. “What?!” Please tell me that it’s the alcohol and I’m hallucinating.

I start to get up, but he jumps on top of me. I squirm, but I just can’t break free. He is absolutely frightening me.

“Listen to me, Y/N!” I can smell the whiskey on his breath. 

“NO! Get the fuck away from me!” I attempt to bite his wrist which is binding my wrists together.

“NO...Now quit and let me explain!” 

Damnit all to Hell! “I will fucking scream, Alex Krycek.” I realize that as soon as I say that, it’s useless. No one would hear a damned thing being out here; out here, secluded, in the woods. That’s why he brought me out here, isn’t it, to kill me? My chest is burning and I can’t catch my breath.

He frantically looks around the dim room for a split moment. “Y/N, how many books have you read in the last few days?”

“Twelve.” My chest is so painful right now. I know what he’s doing, but it’s not helping, and he can sense that. I am absolutely terrified right now. 

“How many times have you read that book?”

It’s still not helping. “At least 100.” No change; my heart is still rapidly beating and my breath is steadily heavy. 

“How many times have you heard me say I love you since we got here?” 

Wait! What?! His grip starts to loosen up once he sees the surprised look on my face. 

“Y/N, breathe.” He starts to kiss me lightly on the lips and I can feel a smile peek through. 

“Now, I’m not going to let you go until you promise to let me talk.” 

My body finally starts to loosen up under him and I nod to acknowledge what he said. 

He starts to loosen his grip, but never fully lets me go. “Okay, so it had been almost a year since you were sent to kill Scully. Spender was getting tired of the games and told me to kill you.” 

My body flinches at the thought of this happening, and he apparently notices because he once again kisses me. It has more force behind it. 

“Anyways, by that point, you had already started following me around and spying on me. I only knew that because of a comment that you made to Scully about how you should just do me in for making their life Hell.

“Sorry about that.” I can barely talk above a whisper. 

“No need for that. I understood.” He takes a long pause and just stares into my eyes. I of course do the usual turn away from him due to embarrassment, but his hand pulls my face back. “Anyways, so I had started to do my own spying on you and for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to actually follow through. So, I hired Phil. But, there was nothing said about him trying to rape you.”

His hand is still wrapped around my wrists; probably afraid that I will still retaliate. And knowing me, I will if he says the wrong thing. His other hand cups my cheek sweetly. 

“I followed him and stood just outside the door. When I had put two and two together with what he was saying, I was pissed. It was bad enough he was going to kill you, but when I opened up the door and saw him trying to rape you, I was beyond pissed.” 

His mood changes slightly and it seems like he’s trying to figure out what to say next. Or is he waiting for me to say something? What do I say? ‘Oh, it’s okay Alex. Thank you for not killing me and I 100% trust you now.’ 

“So, are you going to answer my last question?”

“Which was?”

“How many times have you heard me say I love you?”

I am completely baffled. Has he even said it? “None.”

“And do you know why?”

“Well, the obvious answer would be because you don’t. I mean usually, you don’t go around trying to kill people who you love.”

He brushes my hair behind my shoulders and his head bends down to gingerly kiss me on my neck, moving down to the divot of my collarbone. His lips are so soft against my skin, and they feel so good. I slightly whimper when he stops and raises back up to look at me. 

His hand brushes the hair away from my temple. “Don’t you think I would have killed you by now if I didn’t?” He kisses me on the lips once more, followed by his silky tongue tracing my lips. 

“No...yes...I don’t know.” I’m so confused right now, and incredibly frustrated. “If you do, then why haven’t you said it?” Tears are starting to fall. I’m not sure if it’s because I know he’s absolutely right, and he does love me, or due to frustration. 

His lips curve upwards slightly, but there’s sadness behind his green eyes. “Because I’m afraid to admit it. Every time I do, something happens, malyshka.” His hands gently cup the sides of my head.   
My head is reeling. This can’t be happening. He can’t love me; I can’t love him. Fuck! What do I do? This has got to be one bad dream. Okay, it’s not so bad, but it’s bad. Fear is rushing through me just like it did when Spender found us.

“Y/N?” His skin was pale white like he had seen a ghost.

I’m completely numb. He’s the villain in this game. I’ve fallen so far down the rabbit hole that there is no returning because it occurs to me that I also love him. 

“He knew that when he kissed this girl and forever wed his unutterable visions to perishable breath-”

“His mind would never romp again like the mind of a God.” 

His lips are smiling against mine as his hand grasps the nape of my neck. “I love you, Y/N.”

“And I love you, Alex.” Why the hell did he have to quote Jay Gatsby? 

He pushes me down on the bed and starts to caress my cheek softly. His eyes narrow as they study mine with concern and questions behind them. “Al-” 

Before I could say his name he fervently kisses me as if this is the last time we will ever see each other again. Before I realize it my shirt is being thrown across the room, followed by my pajama bottoms. The impatient Alex is coming out which is causing my core to heat up rapidly.

I sit up and quickly pull off his shirt, throwing it into the growing pile in the corner. Apparently, I am going too slow for him as I fumble with his belt because he rips my hands away and whips it off, but instead of throwing it across the room, it’s tossed onto the nightstand. Maybe he has plans for it. I then try to assist with his jeans, but he pushes me away once again. I just decide to lean back on my arms and watch this quick striptease trying not to chuckle. It’s rather funny watching him do this when he’s obviously in a hurry. 

Before his jeans have landed his hands are grasping my wrists above my head and nipping my ear. Oh God, if he...oh God his hand has moved down between us. As soon as I feel his touch against my clit a shock of electricity runs through me. 

“Alex,” I push up into his hand wanting the pressure, and he proceeds to nip at my neck and his grasp around my wrists tighten. “Oh God, Alex. I need you inside me, now.”

“I can’t guarantee that I’ll last long.”

“I don’t care.” I’m not lying either. Would I love for it to last all night? Of course. But I’ve wanted to feel him inside me since much earlier.

I was barely able to finish saying that before I felt him start to slide in. Thankfully he starts out slow because I’m not sure I’d be able to take him in in one fell swoop. Before he fully inserts his hand he releases my wrists and he jumps off of me and lays on his back, pulling me up over him.

He pulls one leg over causing me to straddle him. I start out slow, but he has other plans and he pushes my hips down causing me to slam down on him. Apparently, my entire vocabulary has gone out the window with the exception of “Oh my God!” as I start to grind against him. 

“Oh, malyshka. YA lyublyu tebya.”

“I love you so much, Alex.” 

He pulls me down to kiss him. I can’t get enough of his soft lips. Hell, I can’t get enough of him in general; not just his lips. He’s just amazing. His skin is soft and so hot right now. And I must add he’s absolutely the perfect size. 

He pushes up into me causing me to jolt up quickly. I start to grind slowly, but it’s quickly building up and I know I’m not going to last long, especially as I feel his fingers reaching for my clit once again. As soon as I arch my back, he pinches one of my nipples and I’m gone. I can’t even count how many “Oh, God!”’s I said, or tell you what he was saying to me.

As I start to come down, he pulls me down to lay on his chest. We lay like this for a few moments before I realize that we both came at the same time. All I can do is stare into his eyes until he finally speaks, “Malyshka, I think we should probably go clean up. Maybe even go for a round two in the shower.” 

“Hmm, as tempting as that sounds, I’m not quite sure I’m ready for round two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “He knew that when he kissed this girl and forever wed his unutterable visions to perishable breath-”  
> “His mind would never romp again like the mind of a God.”   
> This is the one line from The Great Gatsby that I memorized the moment I read it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angry Alex has risen, but he makes up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, you made it to the last chapter.  
> I apologize in advance for it being the longest one.

My mind is so far away as I wake up to the sun streaming through the curtains. The memories of last night dance around my mind and bring a feeling to myself that I haven’t felt in years, if ever. I don’t think that I have felt this complete in all of my years, that is until I realize that I’m alone in bed. The feeling effectively slips away and I feel the darkness return. 

I call for Krycek, but there is no response. You know that nagging feeling you have deep down in your gut when something bad is about to happen? Yeah, well that’s what I’m going through right now. I know, I know, it’s probably just my anxiety and he’s just downstairs sipping on his morning coffee as he watches the animals playing in the field out back. That’s what I’m going to keep saying until I find him, but first I realize that I need to take a shower.

I warm up the water for the shower and then find the last set of clean clothes I have. The steam almost immediately starts to roll through the bathroom, reminding me to turn the fan on and I jump in.

The water immediately washes most of the stress away from me and I start to remember my last shower. As much as I want to see Alex, I’m also hoping that I can have an uninterrupted shower this time. 

When I’m done I get dressed and head downstairs where Alex literally sweeps me off of my feet as I round the corner to the kitchen. “Oomph.” 

“Malyshka!”

“Well good morning to you.” He can’t seem to let me go, nor stop kissing my face, causing me to start laughing. “What are you so happy about?”

As he returns me down to Earth, “I have a surprise for you.”, he says as he pulls me to the dining table with a piece of paper sitting in the middle of it. 

I pick up and try to comprehend what it means. “Disbanded...You are both free to go. ”. This is incredibly suspicious. It can’t be this easy.

Alex sees my eyes narrowing. “Y/N, it’s over! Our time with the syndicate is finally done for. Do you know what this means?”

“Alex, it can’t be that easy.” I state as he is putting a second cup of coffee on the table for me.

He sits down and pulls me towards him. His hand reaches up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Malyshka, it is when you have connections. Listen, after you fell asleep I went to Sergey and explained everything to him. He then went into town and made a couple of calls. What I didn’t tell you was that he is of sorts retired.”

“Retired? You don’t just retire from the Syndicate, you know that.”

“And you’re absolutely right...he’s former KGB, but still has contacts in the Central Intelligence Services.  
Honestly, I could have “retired” from the Syndicate a few years ago. But there wasn’t anything wanting me to give up that life; that is until now. 

Wait! What’s to say I even want to quit? I’m not cut out for the whole Suzy Homemaker bullshit. That’s why I’ve never been able to hold down a steady relationship.  
He can see the hesitation in my eyes. 

“Malyshka? I figured that you’d be happy about this.”

I can’t look at him; too many thoughts to process and I really don’t want him to see how scared this actually makes me. I get up from him and walk over to the window with my coffee. 

His disappointment resonates throughout the kitchen. I can feel his eyes just staring at me, maybe even scolding me. It reminds me of my first ex when I told him he was an utter loser and I was breaking up with him. Granted that was because he was a sponge who leached off of me for a place to stay after his eviction so he could impress his new girlfriend while I was away. 

I refuse to look back when I hear a bottle sliding out of the liquor cabinet followed by the creaking of the floorboards in the living room. Before I realize, the sounds of Rammstein start playing. It sounds like Bestrafe Mich, and if I remember the translation correctly it would be fitting I guess if I were in his place. 

I am not about to get guilted into this! I can’t! But FUCK! If he hadn’t gone to the lengths he has the last week for me...I just want to fucking scream! 

The coffee is drained in my cup and I wonder how long I’ve been standing here. Dü Hast comes on and the volume gets turned up. Great! This is just too emo for me! But damnit! This song always gets me! That’s probably what broke me from my thoughts. 

I walk to the corner to check on him. He’s completely leaned back against the couch, eyes closed, arms resting on his legs. One of his hands is gripping the near-empty bottle of vodka. Thankfully I know he can handle his liquor, but Jesus. 

“Alex!”

He grabs the remote that was resting on his thigh and turns the volume down, but not by much, and not once opening his eyes to look at me. 

“Yes, Y/N?” The music is still blaring and I‘m almost unable to make out what he said. 

I walk up to him, “Can we please talk?”

“You already did.” And just like that, the volume went back up. 

I immediately grab the remote from his hand and I look for the mute button, but before I can find it, it’s pulled from my hand and thrown where I can’t see because Alex is backing me up to the nearest wall. 

“Don’t you ever do that again, Y/N!”

I gulp hard. Rage is burning in his eyes and I am legitimately scared right now. I stand there paralyzed from fear as his eyes scan mine. 

“Do you have any idea how much-“ He lets out a loud, angry scream as he lets me go.

Before I am able to move he has returned to the couch and is drinking the last of the vodka before slamming the now empty bottle on the table. His face immediately hides in his palms and he inhales. Just then he scrubs his face and I see his newly bloodshot eyes appear as he’s looking across the room at the fire. 

“I’m sorry, malyshka.” I’m unable to hear him over the music, but I’m able to see him mouthing the words. 

Do I go to him? Retreat upstairs and give him space? I’ve never had to deal with this before. It doesn’t help that I’m afraid right now. 

I scurry back to the kitchen and I notice that the sun is out. Maybe I could just go for a walk. That usually helps my anxiety attacks. 

After I find my boots (thankfully that’s what I wore here because there is still a ton of snow on the ground) I go downstairs to find my jacket, but there’s no sign of Alex. 

As I’m walking back to the kitchen to find the notebook and pen I saw earlier, I see him standing by the lake. He is so solemn looking and it breaks my heart. 

“Alex,  
I figured it was best for us to have some time apart, so I am going for a walk. We can talk about this when I return.”

It’s taken me walking until the end of the driveway to finally forgive him. I understand why he did what he did, but it’s infuriating that he thinks that I can’t make my own decisions. Maybe I’m just pissed because for once I had little control over the matter. As soon as I get back I will sit him down and explain exactly that to him. 

Part of me wants to continue walking because it’s absolutely gorgeous out here. I’ve always enjoyed the snow on a sunny day. Every once in a while I hear clumps of snow crashing to the snow berms after the snow started to melt off of the trees. 

It’s a good hour before I get back to the house. I see through the window that he’s sitting on the couch. Part of me is upset that he didn’t come to find me, but a sense of relief also washes over me. 

As I reach the top step I start stomping the snow from my boots and the door creaks open. There a million emotions passing over Alex’s face. All I can think of in this moment is how I have caused each and every one of these emotions and the tears start to fall from my eyes.

He lets go of the door frame and tightly embraces me. “Y/N…” He pauses to let me go and softly holds my face in his hands and proceeds to brush away the tears away with his thumbs, causing me to softly smile.

“Y/N, I am so sorry for what happened earlier.” I start to break down even more and he pulls me back in and rests his chin on my head. “Listen, let's get back to DC and we can talk about it on the way. I have a feeling that someone is probably going to send the cavalry soon if she doesn’t know you’re still alive; if she hasn’t already.”

I chuckle and nod in agreement. He’s absolutely right. Scully became slightly overprotective a few months back. She reminds me of myself when I was growing up with my little brother.  
“Eto moya devushka.” His hand rubs the middle of my back.

“Eto, what?” I look up at him curiously.

His smile brings out the green in his eyes. God those eyes of his. “That’s my girl.” He winks at me. 

“Your girl, huh? What makes you think I’m still yours?” I ask as he pulls me into the house, slamming the door behind us. 

Before I realize what’s happening, he has my legs wrapped around his waist up against the door, kissing me with such force. “If you aren’t now, you will be when I get done with you.” 

Well, he’s not wrong. Feeling how hard he already is is driving me crazy. I manage to sneak my hands in between us and start unbuttoning his jeans. Apparently, he takes that hint and places me back on the floor. He continues to furiously kiss me, while simultaneously we are taking our boots and jeans off, followed by the rest of the fabric covering any of our bodies. 

Before the last article hits the floor, he has my legs wrapped around him once again. My hands wrap themselves around his neck and I squeak when he fully inserts himself into me. He’s a bit larger than last night. My head tilts back against the wall as he kisses my neck, “Oh, God!” 

“Oh, Y/N! You feel so good.” 

He pushes me into the wall some more and he’s starting to pick up the pace. Before I realize it, he’s only holding me up with one hand, and the other slips around and he starts playing with my clit. “Alex, I won’t...Oh, God!”

“Are you my malyshka?”

“Uh-huh...Oh, God, Alex. YES!”

And just like that we are both spent. He is doing everything in his power to prevent me from falling to the floor as we remain there, panting into each others necks. 

He is the first lookup and gently kisses me on the forehead. “I love you, Y/N.”, he says as he slowly sets me down.

“Ya lyublyu tebya, Alex.”

His eyes sparked as he smiles hearing that. “Let’s go clean up and get ready.” He kissed me once more and we headed off upstairs.

After saying our goodbyes to Sergey we headed back to DC. Thankfully the roads were clearer on the way back than on the way there. 

It was just after 8:00 pm when we pulled up in front of Scully’s apartment. I don’t think I had ever seen her so happy in the year that I have known her when she opened the door and saw me.

“Y/N, are you okay?” She asks me as she stares daggers through Alex who is looking quite sheepishly.

I laugh, “Yes, Dana. He was a perfect gentleman.”

“Are the rumors true? Is he really dead?” Her voice is so full of hope.

Alex finally enters the conversation as we head inside “Yes, he is. I am one hundred percent without a doubt positive that the black lunged son of a bitch is gone for good.” I notice that he stops walking when I accidentally let his hand go. “Um, Scully, where’s Mulder?”

“I’m right here, Ratboy.” Mulder says as he walks out of her bedroom.

Alex’s eyes couldn’t roll any further back into his skull, understandably. “Nice to see you too, Mulder.”

As we take our seats in the living room Alex and I explain everything to them. I could tell that they were both still very suspicious of Alex; hell they probably always will be. 

“Does this mean that I have to be nice to him, Y/N?”, Mulder asked as he went to the kitchen

“Well, I’d prefer it, Mulder.” I say before Alex can make another snide comment. I guess for what it’s worth, at least Alex and Mulder aren’t pointing their guns at each other. It’s kind of cute watching them trying to be cordial to one another.

As Mulder comes back with some beers, Scully holds him off, “Mulder, Y/N and I are going to take a walk.” Both guys look nervously at each other. “Just behave you two, please.”

I gave Alex the ‘Uh oh, I’m in trouble look’ followed by the ‘Please be nice.’ look to both of them as we put our jackets back on and shut the door to them being silent.

As Scully and I reached the sidewalk she starts to talk. “Y/N, are you sure you know what you’re doing? He can’t be trusted.” 

“Dana, it’s fine. I saw a whole different side of him while we were up north. Plus, he did save my life two times.” 

We continued talking as we walked around the block in the frigid air. I’m not sure if she will ever be able to trust Alex, understandably. There’s still a lot of resentment with him killing Mulder’s father and being an accomplice to Missy’s murder.

We stop at the door to her complex, “Y/N, promise me that you’ll be careful.” I agreed and she gave me the tightest hug. 

It’s been over a year since the end of the Syndicate as far as us having to have any part of it, and I miss the excitement that it brought. But then I wake up every morning in our bed with Alex walking around the room with little Natalia Katherine cooing in his arms, reminding me why I am where I am. This may not have been the life I envisioned after joining that wretched group, but it’s the one I am perfectly content with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly hope that you enjoyed reading this. This was definitely my favorite one to write so far. Maybe I will continue Krycek/Reader ones, but who knows.  
> Until next time, stay safe out there and remember to leave a comment/kudo.


End file.
